One Secret for the Road
by RavenclawReality
Summary: Dougal McGregor was Minerva McGonagall's first and only love, yet they could never marry. Their different lives as a muggle and a witch forced them to separate, leaving them both devastated. This is Dougal's story.


**Author's note:** J.K. introduced us to Dougal McGregor on Pottermore. He was a Scottish, muggle farmboy who grew up with Minerva McGonagall. They fell in love when Minerva was eighteen years old, and engaged before she could tell him she was a witch. A day later, she realized she had to leave him, for introducing him to magic would cost her her job at the Ministry. He was Minerva's first love, and she never stopped loving him. This is his story.

* * *

"Name?"

"Dougal McGregor, sir."

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen." Dammit. Should've lied. No one's that interested in helping a kid.

"And you're here to report a missing person?"

"Yes, officer. It's Minerva McGonagall. She disappeared yesterday."

"She your friend?"

"Girlfriend. No, fiancé. We were engaged on Thursday."

"And she was kidnapped?"

"N-no sir. She just left. All I have is this note from her," I dug the crumpled sheet of paper out of my pocket and held it up for the officer, not willing to hand it over. "She's somewhere in London."

"So you mean to tell me that she left to go to London out of her own free will?"

"Yes sir."

"And she's of a legal- lad, are you crying?"

"What? Um, no sir. I just... I think my eye's itchy."

"I'm sorry, Dougal, there's nothing I can do. She's got the right to travel. Only thing to do now is hope she get backs soon."

I paused and bit my lip. "Oh. Well thanks, I guess."

I don't remember the walk home.

What did I do? We were only engaged for two days. What could I possibly have done to make her leave?

I didn't speak to anyone else that day.

I couldn't afford to go to London, not for a while. There was one bottle of liquor at home, hidden on a cobwebbed shelf in the barn. I drank it all. I felt hollow, unresponsive, numb. I shut down.

I fell asleep.

The emotions only came when I awoke. There was no groggy faze of remembering where I was or what had happened. Instead, the pain was already surrounding me in a thick cloud, just waiting for me to regain consciousness to fully engulf me. I could hear my heart convulsing in my ears. A thousand voices in my head shouted at each other. "Why'd she leave?" "Where is she?" "Is she anywhere?" "Did she ever love you?" I sprinted out of the barn and through the plowed field where I had proposed. I screamed at the top of my lungs, trying to drain everything boiling up inside of me. I felt like I didn't get any of it out, yet I felt empty.

The walk back to the house was tough and tortured. It was like trudging through thick mud, returning to the place where only last night, we had fantasized about getting a pickup truck and painting it bright red, about having ten kids and going to Switzerland. The place where only last night, we had kissed so fiercely, you'd think we'd stolen all the passion in the earth just to keep to ourselves and give to each other. The place where only this morning, I found a letter in her handwriting and cried for the first time since I was ten.

I paced the house and turned on all the lights. I turned on all the radio to listen to static. I paced faster. I turned the radio up louder.

So loud that I almost didn't hear the knock on the door.

Almost.

And suddenly, it was Minerva in my doorway, surrounded in light and the smell of summer and the weight of empty promise being lifted off of me.

I practically didn't touch the ground as I ran toward her. I took her in my arms, spun her around, put my head on her shoulder.

Her arms remained stiffly at her sides.

"You scared me, Min, you really did. For a second there, I thought you weren't going to come back for a while. God, don't ever do that to me again."

"I won't." She said, her voice low and somber. "And I'm not coming back."

"Okay, okay. Get in here, Minsy, I've got something to show you. Last night I dreamt up an idea for how we're gonna paint the house, and I made a sketch, and I think you'll-"

She ducked out from under my arm. Her eyes held fear and discomfort. "No, Dougal, I mean it. I won't be staying. I just came because... Well I couldn't stop thinking about how I left you here without a clue, and it wouldn't be right not to tell you everything."

"What are you talking about?"

"Here, let's sit," she gestured toward the porch steps and sat down.

Our shoulders touched, and I did all I could not to move closer to her. Minerva didn't have her usual energy, and her words lacked the passion I associated with her. She was subdued. Cold. It frightened me.

"The reason I'm going to London is... Well I got this job, see, that I can't turn down. But I can't really tell you what it is, either. I don't know how to explain-"

"I can't believe it, Min. I ask you to marry me and you become a secret agent over night!" I was half joking. She didn't soften up to my humor, though usually she couldn't resist it.

"I'm not a secret agent-"

"Then what does the government want from you, huh? They want a Scotsman's opinion on-"

"I'm not working for the government."

I continued. I couldn't help myself. "Oh, is it the army then? They want you to secretly care for hidden refugees from Transylvani-"

"Dougal, please, you're being ridiculous!"

"Or were you a spy all along, and this was a trap, and you're actually returning to London to share your findings on-"

"DOUGAL, I'M A WITCH."

"Ohh that's it! You're a witch and you're conducting magic experiments in a hidden lair in London."

"No I'm serious."

"You don't have to lie to me, Min. If you really want to go to London, you can just tell me."

Minerva paused. For a moment, it looked as if tears were gathering in her eyes, but she blinked and they disappeared. "I... I don't know how to tell you this. We're supposed to keep it a secret. But I just couldn't lie to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Here," she held open her jacket and reached into a pocket hidden inside. With slightly trembling hands, she pulled out a thin wooden stick. "It's my wand."

"It's okay if you just want to leave. Please, you don't have to go through all of this."

"No, no Dougal, I promise I'm not making this up. I'd do a spell, but they'll find me."

"What? Who?"

"The Ministry of Magic. It's where I'm working. They can tell if I do magic in front of mug- people who can't do magic. If they find out I told you, I'll lose my job." She saw my look of disbelief, and looked me straight in the eye. "I swear I'm telling the truth. I would never lie to you. Never."

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I believed her. Besides, if I know my Minsy, I know that it's impossible for her to tell me even the smallest white lie without cracking a grin. "Alright, so you're a witch. But I'll still love you. I'd still marry you. You can stay here. I promise I won't tell anyone your secret," I pleaded. I took her hand in both of mine, and she pulled it away.

"No. Dougal, I'm so, so sorry," she wouldn't cry, but I could tell she wanted to. "I can't stay. I can't marry you."

"Hey, we can work this out. You've lasted all this time around me without using magic."

"That's the problem. Magic means so much to me. It's the only thing I'm good at-"

"You're smart-"

"But with magic, I can use my intelligence to accomplish something important. It's my life, Dougal. I was born magic, and unless I can practice it, I don't feel free."

"What about if we move to London together? I don't have to inherit the farm. You could take your job and do your magic there."

"It isn't that simple. My mum was a witch, too, but my dad was like you. She kept her wand locked up under her bed. She taught me some magic during the day, and those nights, she'd cry. She had to give up her whole life. She trained my brothers and I to lie to everyone in the neighborhood. We had to lie to our dad. He cried too. He felt like he couldn't relate to us anymore, and I don't blame him. The rest of the family lived in a world that he could never understand. I can't do that to you. I wouldn't be able to do it for our kids, and I can't do it to myself. I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry. But I need to leave."

I held her into my arms, and she didn't pull away. I could feel her tears soak through my sleeve. In that moment, I felt completely helpless. Because if I knew my Minsy, I knew there was no way to sway her once she'd made up her mind. And somewhere, deep inside of me, I understood why she was leaving. I could barely comprehend her situation, and was lost trying to understand the portion of her life she'd hid from me all these years. But Minsy valued her freedom and expression more than anything, and if the talents she had would shine in this job, she'd take it.

I didn't know what to say. She wouldn't stay with me, no matter what. She'd go fulfill her dream, but if she didn't marry me, I'd never see my own dream come true. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I don't think so."

I kept one arm around her shoulders, and we looked off into the same spot in the sky, watching the clouds pass. We each knew it was our last moment together; our last chance to live the good part of what would soon be our past. Yet, we didn't say anything at all.

After what could've been a minute, an hour, or a day, Minerva stood up.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," she said softly.

"Yeah, guess so," I pulled her into a hug and almost squeezed the air out of her. I knew she didn't want to kiss me. Not now, at least. I didn't want to kiss her, either. It'd make it to hard to say goodbye. "If you ever change your mind about marrying me, you know where I'll be."

She smiled and squeezed me back. "I know."

When we let go, she didn't look me in the eye. She just turned around and started walking away. I forced myself to smile, though I could taste the salt of a fallen tear.

Halfway to the sunset, she turned around.

"Hey, McGregor!" she ran a few paces back to me. "Forgot to tell you that I love you!"

My smile was no longer forced. "I love you too, McGonagall! And don't you forget it!"

"I promise that I won't. Never ever."

She turned back toward the horizon, and ran until she faded away.

* * *

**Written for the Chudley Cannons, in the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition semi-finals.**


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